Vinny Gambini: Ms. Vito, it has been argued by me, the defence, that two sets of guys met up at the Sac-O-Suds, at the same time, driving identical metallic mint green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles.
Mona Lisa Vito: Because there is no way that these tire marks were made by a 1964 Buick Skylark convertible. These marks were made by a 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
D.A. Jim Trotter: Objection, Your Honor! Can we clarify to the court whether the witness is stating opinion or fact?
Vinny Gambini: I find it hard to believe that this kind of information could be ascertained simply by looking at a picture!
Bill: We think they’re trying to set us up as patsies, Ma. You know how corrupt it is down here. They all know each other.
Vinny Gambini: Yeah, well, the man’s a seriously accomplished lawyer. If he checks up on this guy, his name will come up all over the place.
Get my ass kicked or collect $200
Vinny Gambini: [ the cook puts a big blob of lard on the stove ] Excuse me, you guys down here hear about the ongoing cholesterol problem in the country?
Vinny Gambini: I understand you played a game of pool with Lisa for $200, which she won. I’m here to collect.
Vinny Gambini: Oh, a counter-offer. That’s what we lawyers – I’m a swap finder lawyer – we lawyers call that a counter-offer. This is a tough decision here. Let me think. I could use a good ass-kickin’, I’ll be very honest with you. nah, I think I’ll just go with the two hundred.
Vinny Gambini: You like to renegotiate as you go along, don’t you? Well, here’s my counter-offer. Do I have to kill you? What if I were just to kick the ever-loving shit out of you?
Vinny Gambini: Oh, no, no. in reality. If I was to kick the shit out of you, do I get the money?
Vinny Gambini: So, here are my options. Option A: I get my ass kicked, or Option B: I kick your ass and collect the 200. I think I’m gonna go with Option B: Kickin’ your ass and collecting $200.
Lisa: Because I used a Craftsman model 1019 Laboratory Edition Signature Series torque wrench
Vinny Gambini: [ about his secondhand suit, which has an 18th-century look and is red ] I bought a suit. You seen it. Now it’s covered in mud. This town doesn’t have a one hour cleaner so I had to buy a new suit, except the only store you could buy a new suit in has got the flu. Got that? The whole store got the flu so I had to get this in a second hand store. So it’s either wear the leather jacket, which I know you hate, or this. So, I wore this ridiculous thing for you.
Vinny Gambini: [ Vinny is the lawyer, but Stan thinks he is there to sodomize him ] Look, it’s either me or them. You’re gettin’ fucked one way or the other.
Vinny Gambini: Yeah, it’s your ass, not mine. I think you should be grateful. I think you should be down on your fuckin’ knees.
Vinny Gambini: [ Vinny hears a drip in the motel bathroom ] Weren’t you the last one to use the bathroom?
Lisa: [ sighs ] If you will look in the manual, you will see that this particular model faucet requires a range of 10 to 16 foot-pounds of torque. I routinely twist the maximum allowable torquage.